05 October 2012 ~ 0 Comments

Phunnies Phreighday by Col. David Tooker (USA) Retired

Club Lido Here We Come!







Featuring Exotic and Talentful Stage Acts

As you all know, and most of you have chosen to forget, but I constantly remind you, thereby breaking the spell that binds, Florida is the cornerstone of all that is weird and unusual, and we flaunt it every day, or at least as many days a week as we possibly can providing we don’t have to get up too much before breakfast.

And as long as there are no hurricanes in the air, there is a relatively loose lifestyle for all to appreciate, and most everyone does.






So saying, it was with amusement that I noticed a kerfuffle taking place over on the coast Thursday where an errant Emu held up traffic in downtown Cape Canaveral. No one admits to actually living there, although there is such a place – (pop 9,912 – 2010 census) – residents usually claim to be from either Satellite Beach, Cocoa Beach, or Merritt Island because claiming to live in Cape Canaveral is inviting what I experienced when I banked at Ft Knox: “Oh, Fort Knox National Bank, do they pay in gold? Yuk –yuk!”

“Oh, you’re from Cape Canaveral; do you ride the space shuttle to work? Yuk Yuk!” Tons of fun, no doubt.

As I was saying, there was a major intersection annoyance Thursday morning when an errant Emu escaped and for a time free-ranged about to the discombobulation of the three C.C.P.D. cops. They were not amused. Traffic tie-ups in Brevard County involve tens of people for whole minutes at a time.

The only road between Cocoa Beach and Satellite Beach is one lane in each direction, separated by a block of houses where all the surfers and indigent indolent indigenous idiots live (witness – an Emu owner). Northbound traffic is restricted by the beach, and south bound traffic is restricted – mostly – by the leg of the Indian River called the Banana River. Incidentally, one must have a permit from the city to hang a hammock on the river side of the road because of etymological connotations involved therein.








There is always something going on as one drives A1A between Patrick Air Force Base and The Causeway that leads back to the Mainland and what would otherwise be known as “normal living.” Traffic is always clogged up because the children who do attend school get trundled from their condos and motels to their schools on buses, slowing traffic to a walk. The ones who go truant each day are wending their way to the beach to start their instruction on the water. School is just a coin toss away.

I almost had a wreck onetime because of a scantily clad girl crossing against the light.










Nobody would write her a jaywalking ticket, I promise.

For the life of me I never could understand how strip clubs made any money in Brevard County because of the gratis competition, but then I was never one frequenting those places. Maybe there were other offerings. I suppose the Emu could figure in, after all, I’ve seen Blade Runner and snakes seemed to be fashionable in such places, and we do have free range snakes all over the place.







Surfer lifestyle is unusual, but exotic birds are not usually a part of a that show. There are surfing squirrels and dogs, but I’ve yet to hear of a surfing Emu.








If one visits down Brasilia, one can even find Llama Surfing.










But nothing will compete with the Club Lido for pure entertainment like a Dash Cam Emu Caused Traffic Jam.








So after normalcy returns, maybe the Cabaret will start negotiations with the Emu owner for guest appearances.

I understand it is living in the back of a Suburban or something like that.

Maybe there’s a sequel here.








What are you looking at?

Thanks to all my Florida Friends who make these days unusual and bearable.





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